“The more we allow the love of God to govern our minds and emotions—the more we allow our love for our Heavenly Father to swell within our hearts—the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ. As we open our hearts to the glowing dawn of the love of God, the darkness and cold of animosity and envy will eventually fade.”
As I was reading these talks from the 2012 April General Conference, I was prompted to think of the people, situations, experiences, memories...that need to be forgiven.
This past year and a half, I have gone through more changes than I think I will ever go through again in my lifetime. I am truly trying to be a better person and trying to be a true and worthy disciple of our Heavenly Father. I want to be able to stand on the morning of the first resurrection and be able to say I am worthy of exaltation, worthy to be in my Heavenly Fathers presence.
As I go through life, I will sometimes get pangs of regret. There are relationships, ideas, situations, that I deeply regret...
"When we feel hurt, angry, or envious, it is quite easy to judge other people, often assigning dark motives to their actions in order to justify our own feelings of resentment.”
I definitely have been hurt in the past. I haven't had the relationship I'd like to with certain people, and each time I go about forgiving them or letting it go, they do something else and I am back to being hurt.
It's hard to forgive someone who relentlessly and consistently hurts you.
“But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate,” he said. “Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.”
I feel like I do that...I have a sense of righteous indignation sometimes. I feel like my feelings were hurt, my trust was broken and I don't let people hurt me more than once anymore. In the moment, and maybe months or years after the fact, I will still only see that THEY wronged ME.
Only awhile later in retrospect do I see where I was wrong in the situation.
By then, the bridges are burned and the damage is done. Instead of eating my pride and put aside my hurt feelings, I justify it by remembering how I got hurt and remembering how it hurt me, how it hurts me today...then it becomes too hard and too painful to do anything about.
But...I remember going through the temple and being over-whelmed by the feeling that I was forgiven of my sins as I was sealed for eternity to Daniel, Grace, and our future children.
That feeling has been on my mind since I got out of the temple.
Forgiveness of our sins comes on the conditions that we repent and are willing to forgive others.
I know that I have done things I am not proud of, things I have repented for and I feel confident that God has forgotten about them because of that. But just because God has forgiven you...doesn't mean those you harmed, or those who have harmed you, have.
“Forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not … [stands] condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.”
Those who have harmed against you, you have to forgive. Even if you feel like they don't deserve it, you do. It wouldn't be called a trial if it wasn't hard.
Being angry at someone just takes too much out of your joy.
Being angry, hating someone, resenting someone, is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
All these years of holding in my anger, resentment, even hatred at times...has taken a toll on me. I know it has taken a toll on my past relationships. I don't want it to take a toll anymore.
“Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”
My goal is to be able to give forgiveness to those who I don't want to forgive, but that I need to in order to follow the words of my Heavenly Father.
There are other things I struggle with that my Heavenly Father has asked me to do...this is something I can do.
I think that as long as you are trying Heavenly Father will see that, and know you are doing your best.
I have to try.
Do you guys have any experiences with forgiveness trials?