Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Super Mom

motherhood,

This little nugget...

Sometimes I look at her and it honestly scares me how much I love her. She's my little monkey. She's my Grace-Monster. She's my baby girl. 

Although I love Grace more than I think is humanely possible...being a stay at home mom is hard and there are days where I feel like the worlds worst mother/wife.

My very lowest point?

Two weeks ago I raised my voice to my seven month old who was exhausted and just wouldn't stop crying. I couldn't believe it. As soon as it came out of my mouth I had to choke back tears. When Daniel came home, I kissed Gracie, handed her to Daniel and then actually went into my shower and cried. I sat in there for an hour and just cried. Finally, Daniel came in and I told him what happened, he reassured me that I was a great mom and that everyone knows how much I love her, and it's okay to be frustrated sometimes. He made me feel better but still.

There are days like that; where the house is a mess, dinner hasn't been started, laundry is piling up, I am still in my pajamas with my hair all crazy and Grace is cranky. There are days where just making sure Grace is fed, clean and took at least two naps is an accomplishment. 

Those are the days where I feel like the worst mom, and those are the days that I feel like I don't deserve Daniel or Gracie.

BUT then there are days like today. The days where I am up and at em as soon as the sun rises. Where the floors get hand mopped, the oven gets cleaned out (finally), the laundry started, dinner in the Crockpot, Grace is clean, fed and has already taken one nap and is headed for another. 

These are the days where I feel like super wife and super mom. Daniel will come home to a nice dinner simmering and permeating through the house, the smell of a warm dinner will hit his nose, he will smile and say "That smells good. What's for dinner?"

The house is clean so he doesn't have to worry about helping clean up and can just relax, play with Gracie and do his homework. 

I will have actual clothes on and my hair won't be in a messy bun. I will not smell like vomit. 

These are the days that I feel like I was bred to be a wife and a mother. 

I am Seabiscuit. 

Obviously, there are some in-between days. Where maybe the laundry gets done, but the floors need to be cleaned. Or days where I am still in pajamas when Daniel gets home but dinner is done. 

Throughout this self observation I had to realize that no matter what day it is, the great-the okay-the bad, I am always trying. I am always improving. I am always loving my family.

My house may be messy at times, and we may be eating Totino's...but we are a happy family. Daniel loves me and so does Grace and ya know what? 

That's all the matters.

xo,
Tanika

3 comments:

  1. Girl, I hear ya! Last week I had a complete meltdown in the middle of the night because Joshua kept waking up every. freaking. HOUR. I was so upset I started bawling and yelling things like, "I can't do this! I hate being a mom!" Which of course is baloney. I LOVE being a mom. It's the hardest job in the world, but it's also the most rewarding. Sometimes we all just need to remember exactly what you said: We are always improving, and trying and loving our families. And that's all that matters. :)

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  2. I really like this post. I especially love when bloggers write so honest and candidly. Being a mom is hard, and I think it's safe to say we have all had a meltdown (or two, or three, or four). But I think what's important is we recognize our weaknesses and strive to improve upon those things every day. I don't doubt that you are a wonderful wife and mother =)

    P.S. I totally know what you mean about one day being super woman and being on top of everything, and then the next day being a total hot mess. I think it just comes with the territory though, you know?

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  3. Props to you! I bet being a stay at home mom (or just a mom in general) is so tough! It scares me a lot, but I bet you are an amazing mom. You are an amazing person :)

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Thanks for taking the time to say something back! :) One sided conversations are never any fun! :) Thanks for reading!