Wednesday, February 27, 2013

"JUST" a mom

I was talking to a super sweet lady the other day in the store, and she asked me what I did and I told her I was a mom at home with Gracie. She smiled at me and said "Oh so you're just a mom then?" I smiled at her and said yes, checked out and headed on home.

I know she didn't mean anything by it, she really was just the sweetest lady... but her words definitely hurt my feelings and made me go into the deep dark parts of my mind. The part of my mind that makes me question EVERYTHING.

Before I met Daniel I had BIG career goals. I had big dreams and plans for my life. I was a year away from finishing my double major and minor. I was going to go to New York, get a career and wave to the little people when I won a Tony. These were my plans and these plans were awesome.

Obviously my plans changed and I AM 100% okay with that! I love my life and wouldn't trade it for all the Tony's in the world.

That being said-- being "just" a mom was never in my life plan. It still isn't. Once Grace and baby #2 are old enough to be in school for a few hours a day (Grace in Kindergarten/1st Grade -- Baby #2 in pre-school). I plan to go back to school and finish my teaching degree. Then when Baby #2 is in school full time I plan to start teaching.

However, as I was thinking about why that offended me so much, or made me feel inferior to a "working" mom, or why it made me feel shameful...

...instead of feeling shameful about being "just" a mom, I felt shameful about feeling shameful!

How could I feel anything but grateful for this little angel?!

A month or so ago, my cousin April posted a link to this blog called Still Not PregnantHer name is Molly and her story is so heartbreaking and so inspiring. Her difficulty to have a child and deep desire to be a mommy continually shatters my heart. We include her in our nightly prayers and sometimes when I snuggle Gracie--I silently pray that one day Molly will be able to experience that kind of love.

Her story makes me realize something that I never really considered before: not everyone can be a mommy. 

That sentence just hurts my heart.

Everyone woman deserves to know how it feels to create a life with God.

Everyone deserves to know how it feels to see your child light up and smile the worlds biggest smile when you walk into the world.

Everyone deserves to know how it feels to see your child walk for the first time.

Every woman deserves to hear their child say "mama".

The plain facts that some women can't makes me heartsick.

Molly's story makes me realize something, even if I didn't have plans to go back to school:

Dang straight I am just a mom! 

Included in that "just a mom" is a world full of indescribable and incredible moments and memories that I wouldn't give up for any type of degree or pay grade.

Being a mom is harder than any collegiate honors course I have ever taken. It's harder than any master class. It's harder than anything I have ever done before in my life.

It's also the thing I am most proud of about myself.

So, I don't know about the rest of you mama's out there but...

I am JUST FINE with being JUST A MOM!!!!



  1. I completely agree with you. On so many levels. It's actually a pet peeve of mine when people say, "You're just a mom." I'm not a mom YET. But..I think being a mom is one of the best job & achievements you can have. As goes for people who can't have children, I am right there with them. It's the saddest thing & so terrible! I hope & pray one day I can be blessed with a baby!

    1. Babies are awesome. hard as heck. but awesome. And I think anyone who WANTS a baby,and truly WANTS one, will be a good mother to them! GOOD LUCK :D

  2. It is heartbreaking when women who desire it are unable to experience it. My sister has two kids and has always wanted a big family, but is unable to have any more children. When I see her look at little babies my heart is so sad for her. Being a mom is hard work! If it wasn't so hard, I'd have kids already. No one is ever just a mom, you're that and so much more.

    1. Thank you <3 <3 I will definitely pray for your sister and hope she finds peace soon <3

  3. Tanika, I love this post. SO much. It makes me sad when people look down on motherhood like it isn't important/wonderful/amazing. And it makes me so joyful when I see other mommies like yourself affirming that it is! Being a mom is so special! I wish everyone had the desire to be a mom. And I wish the women that had the desire to be a mom but can't could. It's truly the most wonderful job in the world, isn't it?

    1. I don't know what happened, but in the wake of struggling to prove we can do anything a man can, we somehow forgot and devalued the one thing only women can do! It's NUTS. Being a mom is crazy difficult and stressful. Daniel has told me several times he doesn't know how I do it all day because it's difficult. Especially as Gracie gets bigger and a mind of her own. Yes! Being a mom is amazing! Nothing like it. There is truly nothing that compares to being a mommy : D


Thanks for taking the time to say something back! :) One sided conversations are never any fun! :) Thanks for reading!