There. I said it.
My husband is in the military and we are currently in California... which is a gillion miles away from Utah.
This is something we thought we both wanted! Neither one of us liked Utah while we lived there and we couldn't WAIT to get out.
Then we got out...
Daniel LOVES it here, and as the weather warms up--I am starting to like it more...but I am finding myself really missing Utah!!
Not for the weather--because lord knows I can deal without -3487 degree weather, but I miss the familiarity of it. Being in California, I literally have no idea where I am most of the time. I am just now starting to get familiar with my general neighborhood area.
What stinks the most is that I don't know any of the people! In Utah, somehow--there was always SOMEONE I knew anywhere I went. It's just that type of place. So I find myself creepily waiting for Daniel to get home and pounce on him with every little thought I had during the day. HA!
It's also really unfortunate that the nearest temple is TWO HOURS AWAY. That puts a BIG hitch in our giddy-up because it's EXPENSIVE to drive FOUR HOURS total to go to the Temple, and I only trust one family to watch Gracie so we have to make sure they are able to watch her, and it's just a big pain. Especially because I do NOT like being away from Gracie for most of her day. We DEFINITELY took for granted that in Utah there is a temple on every corner. I am missing that now.
My Aunt-In-Law Deana Phlegar took this picture--isn't it GORGEOUS? I miss this temple :(
I miss the culture of Utah. It's nice to not have to explain that I am looking for a modest dress, and by modest I mean longer than thigh high hems and spaghetti straps. It's nice to know that there are people with similar values to yours so you never put yourself in any awkward situations. It's just easy.
Utah also holds my most precious memories: where I met Daniel, where I got married, where Grace was born, where we got sealed...it's hard to be away from a place that was the scenery for so much good in my life.
I think what I miss most about Utah is because that is where the rest of my family is. I think I took for granted having family close by. Even though I have lived in a lot of places in a lot of states, I still always had extended family around. It's hard when Daniel is at work, and Gracie is quietly playing on her own and I am just sitting there, wish I had someone to talk to, someone to go shopping with, someone that I trust and love. Oddly enough I find myself wishing my mother-in-law lived near by so that we could gossip and go shopping. (I think it's because I lived with her so long and for pivotal points in my pregnancy and introduction to being a parent, that I associate her with motherhood.)
Basically, I miss Utah and it hurts me a little to know that we are probably never going to live there again, or at least not until Daniel retires from the military.
Even though I find myself missing Utah a lot lately, I can see the blessing in this trial.
We are learning on our own. We are completely independent. We are raising Grace the way WE want to. We are learning true conviction to the gospel in attending the Temple as the Prophet has asked. We are becoming stronger people. We are creating a stronger marriage.
We will be in California till next January, and until then, I think I need to let go of Utah. I need to remember Utah, love Utah, appreciate Utah...but I need to move on from Utah.
I need to embrace the new and face this trial with a smile on my face with the ambition to make the best of it so that my family can flourish here! This is, after all, the military lifestyle.
As the sun rises over the ocean I think: "Maybe California isn't so bad."