Monday, March 25, 2013

Tell no one I said this but

I miss Utah.

There. I said it.

My husband is in the military and we are currently in California... which is a gillion miles away from Utah.

This is something we thought we both wanted! Neither one of us liked Utah while we lived there and we couldn't WAIT to get out.

Then we got out...

Daniel LOVES it here, and as the weather warms up--I am starting to like it more...but I am finding myself really missing Utah!!

Not for the weather--because lord knows I can deal without -3487 degree weather, but I miss the familiarity of it. Being in California, I literally have no idea where I am most of the time. I am just now starting to get familiar with my general neighborhood area.

What stinks the most is that I don't know any of the people! In Utah, somehow--there was always SOMEONE I knew anywhere I went. It's just that type of place. So I find myself creepily waiting for Daniel to get home and pounce on him with every little thought I had during the day. HA!

It's also really unfortunate that the nearest temple is TWO HOURS AWAY. That puts a BIG hitch in our giddy-up because it's EXPENSIVE to drive FOUR HOURS total to go to the Temple, and I only trust one family to watch Gracie so we have to make sure they are able to watch her, and it's just a big pain. Especially because I do NOT like being away from Gracie for most of her day. We DEFINITELY took for granted that in Utah there is a temple on every corner. I am missing that now.
My Aunt-In-Law Deana Phlegar took this picture--isn't it GORGEOUS? I miss this temple :( 

I miss the culture of Utah. It's nice to not have to explain that I am looking for a modest dress, and by modest I mean longer than thigh high hems and spaghetti straps. It's nice to know that there are people with similar values to yours so you never put yourself in any awkward situations. It's just easy.

Utah also holds my most precious memories: where I met Daniel, where I got married, where Grace was born, where we got sealed...it's hard to be away from a place that was the scenery for so much good in my life.

I think what I miss most about Utah is because that is where the rest of my family is. I think I took for granted having family close by. Even though I have lived in a lot of places in a lot of states,  I still always had extended family around. It's hard when Daniel is at work, and Gracie is quietly playing on her own and I am just sitting there, wish I had someone to talk to, someone to go shopping with, someone that I trust and love. Oddly enough I find myself wishing my mother-in-law lived near by so that we could gossip and go shopping. (I think it's because I lived with her so long and for pivotal points in my pregnancy and introduction to being a parent, that I associate her with motherhood.)

Basically, I miss Utah and it hurts me a little to know that we are probably never going to live there again, or at least not until Daniel retires from the military.

Even though I find myself missing Utah a lot lately, I can see the blessing in this trial.

We are learning on our own. We are completely independent. We are raising Grace the way WE want to. We are learning true conviction to the gospel in attending the Temple as the Prophet has asked. We are becoming stronger people. We are creating a stronger marriage.

We will be in California till next January, and until then, I think I need to let go of Utah. I need to remember Utah, love Utah, appreciate Utah...but I need to move on from Utah.

I need to embrace the new and face this trial with a smile on my face with the ambition to make the best of it so that my family can flourish here! This is, after all, the military lifestyle.

As the sun rises over the ocean I think: "Maybe California isn't so bad."

xo,
Tanika

6 comments:

  1. I love this post! I remember when we moved to Virginia beach. It was seriously the hardest thing on me! I had to learn to just get over my comfort zone. I hope you see yourself coming back! Because I'd love to meet y'all!

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  2. I can somewhat understand how hard it is being away from your family, although my two and a half hours is much closer than your twelve-ish hours. I've found that my time away from home has really strengthened me into being the person God has called me to be and I'm sure you feel the same way. Just find your strength to make it through the homesickness in your little family and in God. I'll be praying that your homesickness goes away.

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  3. Utah misses you too! And so do I. But you are so awesome for finding that silver lining. It's great that you and Daniel have the chance to strike out on your own and become more independent. You guys are so great. I hope you get comfortable with California soon and you can make it feel like home for your sweet little family!

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  4. Good for you for going to the Temple! That picture is beautiful!

    I am sorry that you miss Utah, but our Heavenly Father brought you to California for some reason. Perhaps our mortal mind doesn't understand it, but in time, you will. There is something that you are supposed to accomplish there. There is something that will help you in your life's progression.

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  5. I've nominated you for the Liebster Award! To accept your nomination: http://www.lukerfamilytales.com/2013/03/liebster-2.html

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  6. It's hard to live away from your family like that. But it's so cool to get to know different cultures in different cities. It's hard to make new friends in a new area, but it will seriously change your experience if you're able to make a girl frien who you can do all your girly stuff with.

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Thanks for taking the time to say something back! :) One sided conversations are never any fun! :) Thanks for reading!