Monday, April 29, 2013

The Path Not Taken

Last Friday all of my friends from college graduated.

I was SO super happy and proud of them all. If I was rich I would have sent them all a fruit basket or something. I love them all!

But I won't lie. It was super disappointing to me. I was jealous. I was really depressed.

I am one year away from finishing my degree in secondary Theatrical Education. (Drama teacher for high school). I stopped going to college when I was about 4-5 months pregnant with Gracie. We just didn't know at that point if my pregnancy was going to get easier (Luckily, it did) or not. We didn't want to take the chance of a late withdrawal so I finished up the Fall semester and that was that.

It's really hard for me knowing I was so close to finishing and didn't and probably won't for awhile.

Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have Daniel & Gracie than a degree, but it still stings.

I watched an episode of MTV's awkward. the other day where the main character did a "what if" moment where she wondered where she would be had she just changed one decision.

I thought about what my "one decision" would be.

For us, I know we would have waited to be married before we got pregnant.

We would have had a few years to just be married and get our lives together.

I would have been able to finish school.

We would be able to do fun things at a moments notice.

Going on a date would not be a hassle.

We would have been better prepared for a baby.

We would SLEEP.

As I was thinking of how our life would be had we waited till marriage I also realized that if we had waited--

We wouldn't have had Gracie. I know that sounds so "DUH". But such a tiny statement is so profound to me.

Not have Gracie? WHAT?! 

For the 11 monts since she's been born, she's been our world. We LIVE to make that girl laugh. Every achievement she makes is such a high for us. We tell everyone we can about what our baby girl is doing. "She's walking!" "She said 'duck!'" "She laughs so hard at Blues Clues".

Simply put: we love her with everything we have.

My favorite part of my morning is going to get Gracie and seeing her smile the worlds biggest smile at me. She's just so happy to see me, it honestly gives me butterflies sometimes--that is how good it makes me feel. I'm her momma and she knows it. No degree can replace that feeling.

Would our life be easier without a baby? In many ways, yes.

Would I LOVE to stop getting the stares from people thinking I am too young to be a mother? DEFINITELY. 

Would I love to have my degree? Obviously.

But I know for a fact that our life would be so completely empty without Gracie. She's a big source of joy for us. She came at the perfect time and she came when she knew (and He knew) she should.

Even though this road is hard, and this road involves not going on date nights a lot, not being able to sleep how we'd like, and putting money in savings for her college instead of blowing our money on whatever we please, and me not finishing my degree for awhile...

In the end I am glad we took the road we did, because it got us to where we are and who we are as individuals and as a family.

This road gave us Gracie.

I wouldn't change a thing.

4 comments:

  1. Sometimes it's hard to look at the road that you could have had, but then you look at the amazing things you have because you didn't take that road, and usually the benefits outweigh the costs. I think that's a sweet post to your little girl.

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  2. Isn't it crazy how it's so hard to remember what life was like before you have a little one. I wish we would have spent more time just being married before I got pregnant, but I wouldn't have my two little ones. And I wouldn't have it any other way :-)

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  3. I feel the same way anytime I hear someone is graduating. I quit school because the school I was attending made some kind of mistake and said my credits expired and I'd have to retake math. So I just dropped out but now I wish I hadnt. But also like you said, I'm sure if I would have kept going, I wouldn't have my kids and I don't think I'd be happier with a degree than with kids.

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Thanks for taking the time to say something back! :) One sided conversations are never any fun! :) Thanks for reading!