Yesterday I went to the beach with a few ladies from my neighborhood.
There I met a pregnant girl who was a unicorn. Meaning: she was skinny, not a stretch mark to be found, had only gained 19 pounds, goes on walks every day, oh and did I mention she's gorgeous? She's a woman straight out of a lotion ad.
TWO unicorns in my lifetime?
What was so hard about meeting this lovely lovely girl (seriously, she is so nice) is that she is the same age as me.
At least my due date buddy was younger than me. I could more easily rub off her perfection because of her "youth" (she is about 3 years younger than I am). Silly, right? But it made me feel better.
Then there is this new unicorn who is my same age, who is having the pregnancy I desperately wanted.
I know I wrote about reclaiming our pregnancies, but gosh dang it! This was just too much of a sting for me.
Even though I am so grateful for Gracie and I realize that the state of my body is because of the life that I gave her. Which, when I say it, sounds pretty dang cool--mainly because it is dang cool.
BUT-I am still sad looking down at my flabbers of a stomach (gee thanks gene pool with no elastin in it). I am sad looking at my pre-pregnancy pictures of my former size-2 self. I am sad looking at what my legs used to look like. I am sad knowing I won't be back to my pre-pregnancy weight before Gracie is one year old.
Yesterday I was sad.
So I utilized an Ulta birthday gift card and went and got some makeup. And I got my brows immaculately waxed/groomed.
I tell you what, nothing makes me feel better than beautiful brows and the excitement of applying makeup in the morning.
I was so proud of myself yesterday. Because I didn't try to ignore my sadness or feel guilty about my sadness. I didn't wallow in it either.
Instead I recognized it, accepted it, and then I went and changed what I could change to make myself happy.
I think we sometimes think we can't be sad for things we miss. As if missing our old bodies or wishing we didn't have stretch marks somehow makes us ungrateful. As if wanting a bikini bod means you don't want your child, like it makes you a bad mom.
I knew that's not what I meant when I said I wanted a Unicorn pregnancy or when I said I wanted my body back. It just meant simply that.
I read a post by Jana yesterday, about us being our own worst enemy and how we deserve to love ourselves.
I completely agree with everything she wrote.
But, I am not one to just think I shouldn't be sad about things any normal person would be sad about. I also think it's important not to wallow in your sadness. That doesn't do anyone any good and both can lead down a scary road for you and your family.
I think it's important to recognize why you are sad, accept it and do what you can to change it and make yourself feel better.
That's what I did and I feel pretty dang good about it.