This past Sunday was hell and I mean it. Be prepared for a saga.
Gracie fell down three stairs at my in-laws. Oh, did I forget to mention when she fell down aforementioned stairs, a polished slate floor was awaiting her face?
Needless to say I freaked the heck out. Gracie freaked the heck out, deservedly so.
She got a concussion and I got a heaping plate of guilt.
We were eating and I took my eye off of her for two seconds. I had literally just asked "Where is Gracie?" My mother in law said she could see her, and so I ate some vegetables. Then a SMACK and loud cries from Gracie filled the room. That is seriously how it happened.
But no matter what way you slice it, this fall is 100% my fault. I know that you can't watch them 24/7 but this was something that I totally could have prevented.
So the fact that she had a huge gross bruise on her face, plus a concussion...honestly I cried every time I looked at her face.
Luckily, she was fine after cuddles, Tinkerbell and Hercules, a bottle and some sleep. She was mainly really scared. She is still acting timid about walking and is definitely not as thrill seeking as she was. I can't decide if that's good or bad.
ALSO ON SUNDAY, as if this day couldn't get any freaking worse.
Over night, and I literally mean over night, Gracie got a really bad diaper rash. It seriously looked like those rashes neglectful parents leave on their children. Her poor bum was bright cherry red. I couldn't change her bottom without a LOT of screams. What's worse is that I didn't see it till we were at church. (My in-laws had her all-morning/afternoon.) and of course when I went to change her in the mother's room, I saw the rash, freaked a bit, and didn't have the diaper rash creme. Because it was left at home on the living room floor. So I had to send my father in law home to get it for her poor tushy. She cried and cried at the start of sacrament (Their church does things backwards so sacrament is last.), luckily my father in law took her and put her to sleep. I felt horrible.
Then that night she fell down the stairs, and to put things in perspective for you--her butt hurt her worse than the huge bruise on her head/face/&concussion. She couldn't sit down in the bathtub, every diaper change, no matter how gentle I was, was so painful for her.
I didn't go to sleep till 6 o'clock Monday morning. I was so worried about the concussion. I was so worried about her having a full diaper and making the diaper rash worse. She woke up at 8 am, butt still bright cherry red and no sign of it easing up. In fact, in some places it looked so much worse. We couldn't figure out what was going on.
Then a family friend suggested it might be Peri-Anal Strep. I was like, YOU CAN GET STREP ON YOUR BUTT?! News to me people, news to me.
I made an appointment for the next morning. (We were flying home that day or I would have had her seen then.)
Turns out, it wasn't strep, but it was MRSA aka Staph!! Gosh, could my guilt get any worse? Could Gracie be in anymore pain? I felt HORRIBLE.
How did she get it? you ask.
We switched Gracie from formula to milk this past weekend, so that meant a lot of poop. I am talking every other diaper. I changed more diapers this past week than I did in her first week of LIFE. I wish that was an exaggeration. Because she was pooping and peeing so much, her behind never got a chance to be really be dry, and because all diapers are moist/humid--it's a perfect breeding ground for bacteria. Thus--the staph infection. We got some prescription grade creme and as of two hours ago it's almost gone.
I still feel horrible about both of these things. I have never been more scared in my entire life than I did when Grace fell down the stairs. I have never felt that kind of guilt I felt that night as I watched my poor concussed & red tooshy baby sleep next to me.
It was truly the worst Sunday of my life.
But then, it was also the best.
In sacrament meeting, Heather Walker bore her testimony. If you remember me telling you, her daughter Tatum passed away last Friday. Yeah, and she was at church, and I don't mean at just sacrament. She fulfilled all of her callings and has done so through this entire journey with Tatum.
Take that in guys.
When I saw her walk up to the pulpit, I got a pit in my stomach, held my friends hand, and got a tissue. I knew I was going to cry, and I did.
She is one strong mama. She thanked Heavenly Father for this trial. She thanked him. Her gratitude shook me. Her testimony of the plan of salvation and the atonement--it rocked my to my core. I have never ever been so moved by a person in my life.
Her husband got up and bore his testimony and talked about making sure our spiritual batteries are always charged in the good times, that way in the bad times--we have something to rely on.
The spirit was so incredibly strong for me that day. I had goosebumps everywhere, peace in my heart, tears in my eyes and I said so many silent prayers during that sacrament meeting.
This family, this remarkable family, strengthens me. They make me want to be a better person and make sure that my spiritual batteries are always charged so that if something horrible happens to me or my family, I will be able to handle it with as much faith and grace as they have.
This past Sunday was truly the best Sacrament of my life and even though it was incredibly heart breaking, it filled my soul with the spirit and I was moved into action.
I called on those feelings as I held a hurt little body that night, it truly got me through it.
It truly was the best of times, and it truly was the worst of times...