Tuesday, October 15, 2013

"Good Mom"

One day not too long ago, everything went right in mommy-hood-ville.

Gracie ate FOUR great and balanced meals. She had two healthy snack times. We colored. We played outside. We did a craft. We went to the park. We worked on puzzles and shapes. We played "You come and get me then tickle me then let me go" till I was out of breath. She didn't watch any T.V. She had a glorious nap. Great bath. Three story times. She went to sleep sweetly. No melt-downs. No time-outs.  I got the laundry done. The house was clean and dinner was made when Daniel got home. I even had my hair done and makeup was on.

I felt like an amazing mom that day. I even said to Daniel "I was a good mom today." He, being amazing, said: "You're a good mom every day."


I know he thinks I am good mom, (which is good!!), but it got me to thinking...

I read a lot of posts about people judging other women for cloth diapering, not cloth diapering, organic vs. gerber, breastfeed or formula, blah blah etc etc.

ALL of these people said "I'm a good mom because..." 

Well, shoot.

What makes a good mom?

Is it cloth diapering? Is it breast feeding? Is it making sure your kid has a lot of healthy meals in the day? Is it going to the park?

Everyone has ideas of what makes them a good mom. We all hope to be the best mom we can, or at least we should hope to be. But we look at other people's ideas of what they think makes a good mom and we instantly think "She isn't a good mom because they are doing this." "She isn't giving her all because she isn't doing this."

BUT WHAT WE ARE REALLY SAYING IS:

"She isn't a good mom because she isn't doing what I AM DOING ." 




How heartbreaking to hear that someone thinks you aren't a good mom.

I hope no one has thought that of me, but I am sure that someone has disagreed with my parenting at some point.

This is honestly...guys, it has to stop.

This way of THINKING is so incredibly flawed.

Could you imagine working your hardest and then someone calling you a bad mom? Or criticizing your parenting when you are doing what you think is best? Or because you haven't done certain things that it means you aren't as much of a mom as someone else. Incredibly hurtful. Being a mom is hard enough without someone telling you that you are doing it wrong.

Playing with puzzles doesn't make me a good mom. Going to the park doesn't make me a good mom.

None of the things that moms war about make a good mom.

I can tell you right now what makes me a good mom:

I love Gracie with my entire soul. Every part of me loves her. I tell her every day.

I have a genuine and real care for her well-being and I do my best to take care of her and would never hurt her.

That is it.

Those things make each one of us a good mom.

Notice I didn't say "Because I craft with her every day." "Because we go to mommy and me groups all the time." "Because she can shape sort like a boss."

Grace would be happy if I gave her sweet potato puffs every day for breakfast, lunch & dinner. She wouldn't care if we never worked on puzzles. She wouldn't care if we didn't do anything that we usually do.

But she would care if I never gave her hugs. She would care if I never gave her kisses. She would care if I stopped caring.

When I think about it, I do all of the things I do, not because I think it makes me a good mom, but because I love her and I want her to be happy and I want her to feel that love any way possible.

In the end, I love her and I think that is very noticeable to everyone who has ever met me. That's all that I care about.

I am a good mom and I am not gonna let anyone else tell me otherwise.

7 comments:

  1. This is beautifully written, sweetie :)

    I am not a mom, but one day I will be, it's the one goal in my life that is set in stone. Everything else can change. Life, my idea of what my husband will look like, residence, profession, everything. But I will be a mom. And I will be a good one. And I'll be a good one for the reasons you said in your post. Because I will love my children above all. I will put my children's welfare and happiness above all. That means, to me, that I will make them a priority above all. I will give them a safe and love-filled home, if not a big, luxurious one. I will give them parents who genuinely like each other as well as love each other. I will make sure their mom is healthy to the best of my ability. I will give them rules to follow because I grew up with rules and it made me a more secure person. I will give them time. I will do my best to have a family dinner every night, where phones and TVs do not exist, only we do. I will teach them the things that matter; empathy, acceptance, love, communication and forgiveness. I will let them fail and comfort when it's needed, and I will soar when they triumph.

    Being a good mom, IMO, also means knowing your limitations. I want my children to know what it's like to sleep under the stars or in a tent, but since I can't do that (allergies etc, meds don't work long enough), I've already made a deal with my sister that she will include them with her future little bunch. It sounds silly, but to me, that stuff matters. I did it when I was a kid, and I want them to at least do it once. And it will hopefully mean that they will know my sister as more than just their aunt, they will know her for the beautiful human she is, and they will feel the effect in their lives that she's had in mine, and they'll be better for it.

    That's what my mom did for me. And I can't wait to see this awesome, sassypants little person grow up in front of me. (Like, literally, I would have a baby right now if I had all the *uh* things needed.)

    You ARE a good mother, sweetie, and when you're in the middle of a terrible meltdown, and your baby girl is screaming, dinner isn't on the table when you planned, laundry isn't done and it feels like everything is falling apart... please do remember that. Because being there, taking it and loving her through it... that's still a part of it. It's just the really hard part. Having hard parts doesn't mean you aren't a good mom, it means the opposite, IMO, because it means you're there for all of it.

    Phew, that actually felt good to type out. I'm so glad you know it in your heart that you are a fantastic mama!bear for Gracie, and I love this post.

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  2. Amen! This is so well written! You are a good Mom! Gracie is so blessed to have you!

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  3. I like to think that there is no one right way to be a good mom, but a million ways to be a great mom. It's all situational. It's just like how I got married 5 months after meeting my husband, that worked for me. Do I think everyone else should do it? Not necessarily, but everyone's situation is different. Kudos to you for recognizing this and choosing to cheer others on. Heaven knows this world needs more cheerleaders and less coaches ;)

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  4. I love this! So true! Everyone thinks if its not done their way that its wrong! Way to bring up and handle a hard topic!

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  5. your pictures are darling! cute little family! xo

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  6. This is so perfect for me! And goodness your family photos are to die for! You have a beautiful family!

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  7. First of all, those pictures are amazing. You look so beautiful! Second of all, amen. You have no idea what other people are actually doing, so we got to stop judging each other all the time.

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Thanks for taking the time to say something back! :) One sided conversations are never any fun! :) Thanks for reading!