Wednesday, October 22, 2014

To Snip or Not Snip. That is the question.

We are having a boy and with that awesomeness comes one big and scary permanent decision:

To circumcise or not circumcise. 

Normally, I wouldn't talk about my kids business on the blog. But I gotta ask you mama's of boys--how did YOU make that decision? 

For a long time, I never knew NOT getting one was even a choice. I just thought all boys had them done at one point or another. I also pretty much thought I'd leave that decision up to my husband when the time came. 

Daniel is pretty set in his decision to circumcise. I thought I was...until I started researching them. 

It's not that I think they are BAD or anything like that; it's just this is the first big-PERMANENT- can't-go-back-and-undo-it-decision I have made as a parent. Gracie doesn't even have her ears pierced because we feel like that should be her decision to put holes in her body. 

(We also want that to be her gift for her baptism. It teaches a lesson on responsibility & agency which I think goes hand in hand with baptism.) 

I can't put holes in my daughters ears but I can take a scalpel to my sons business? 

What if little dude grows up and is mad at us for snipping him or not snipping him?! 

While it feels like the right decision to me to circumcise, it also feels like that's a decision he should be a part of. 

I couldn't handle it if this cute little face hated me! 

I am honestly freaking out about it...what if we decide to and it gets botched and he has issues for the rest of his life? What if we don't and he is angry at us for making him "different" from other boys in the locker room?

I keep reading more and more testimonials from each side and it's just making the decision harder for me. 

I want to leave this decision up to Daniel, after all he has the parts and knows them better than I do...

But I don't want to not advocate for my son, ya know? I don't want to make a mistake! 

It's a scary decision and I want to know how you mamma's did it!

Any advice would be great

xoxo--

Tanika 

2 comments:

  1. Okay... First of all you should know that this is one of those things like vaccines that people get really worked up about, and vehemently defend their side. Like, to the death. It's dramatic. I was actually surprised by all the hot-headed animosity when I asked myself this question about a year ago. So be prepared for that!

    That said, I did a ton of soul searching about it, lots of praying, and lots of talking to my mom and sisters, who have had their fair share of experience with both children and significant others on both sides of the fence. This is my number one advice: You and Daniel have to FEEL good about your decision and know it is right for YOU and your family, above all else. No matter what anyone else says.

    Ultimately we made the decision to leave Henry intact. There were gobs and gobs and gobs of reasons why, and essentially what I found to be the opposing argument boiled down to 1. "Make him look like daddy" which I felt was a dangerous ignorant and lazy thing to say. (Strong words, I know, but it's so so important for us to always be aware of why we make the choices we make, isn't it?) 2. "It is more healthy and hygienic" which is actually a complete crock and has been debunked over and over again.

    Sorry for the novel, I'll try to wrap this up. I found that this article in particular was the one that spoke to me the most, and helped my husband understand how I was feeling about things as well, since we in fact did not "make him look like daddy" and were starting totally fresh. I highly highly recommend that you read it slowly and thoroughly, following all the links, and watching the video it recommends:

    http://9davids.blogspot.com/2010/11/50-reasons-to-leave-it-alone.html?m=1

    These two also spoke to me:

    http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2011/11/27/the-circumcision-decision/

    http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/birth-breath-death/Circumcision-cultural-bias-and-the-question-of-consent-.html

    I realize I sound like one of those people I warned you about in the first paragraph, but honest to goodness it's how I feel after looking long and hard at both sides. My husband was also staunchly set in circumcising, but after reading through the evidence he is also very happy with the decision that we made together. I respect everyone's right to do the same thing and come to their own conclusions! Good luck with your decision!

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  2. We didn't know the gender before we had JaiseAnn and this stressed me out big time. I also wanted to leave it up to Zach. Without looking at a bit of research, he already knew he wanted to circumsize... But I never felt 100% about that. Ugh... I had the same problem. While I can't offer you any advice, I hope you find a decision you feel good about.

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Thanks for taking the time to say something back! :) One sided conversations are never any fun! :) Thanks for reading!