Thursday, December 18, 2014

Forcing Christmas

Christmas is one of my very favorite holidays. I love everything about this season right down to the sprinkles on the Christmas cookies. I mean, my previous post was on how much I love Christmas cards, that was not an exaggeration. I truly do!

This is all kind of hilarious because I married one of the world's biggest scrooges. The man detests Christmas music, he doesn't like doing Christmas-ey things, or watching Christmas movies. He says he just really hates the commercialization of Christmas, I just say he is a scrooge. I love the man more than anything in this world, but he is a scrooge.

This year is our first Christmas away from family; our first Christmas in our new home; our last Christmas as a family of three. So this year kind of meant a lot to me. I really wanted it to be a great Christmas and just be so full of cheer and happiness and we could start our own family traditions.

But man alive, everything I try to do is a struggle. I tried to get Daniel to set up the tree early, I really wanted it up after Thanksgiving, but that was a hard no. He let me set it up on the night before December 1st. (Did I mention scrooge?) Gracie was excited to put the ornaments on the tree and actually helped & Daniel was helping too, so it was great. But then Grace got mad that she couldn't play with the ornaments and the lovely Christmas spirit was squashed.

Every Christmas party has been a nightmare because they are always later at night around 7/ 7:30 when it's her bedtime so she isn't in a good mood. Then I feel like I have to apologize for my tired toddler the whole time.

I really wanted to do Christmas shopping WITH Daniel this year, but we honestly just don't have enough time to do that. We get a few hours together a day and they are at night. On his days off we are doing other things that need to be done. So that has left me with doing all of the Christmas shopping and because Daniel really should never wrap things (and doesn't like doing it), I have wrapped all the presents too. Which makes me really feel like I have been doing Christmas by myself.

Then last night...oh hell...last night. We went to go see Santa and it was BAD. She had been wanting to see him for FOREVER, asking about him, the whole thing. I should have known it would be bad, she'd been in a stinker mood all day but part of me thought she would be happy to see Santa. Oh man...those pictures were HORRIBLE. Not even in the cute oh look, she's crying at Santa! way, just...bad. I wasn't going to pay $30 (that was the ONLY option! Can you believe that?! one picture for $30?!!?) for the worst picture ever. She screamed through the mall until we got into the car, where I proceeded to have a break down.

I will say that Daniel isn't being his normal scrooge self. He has been very supportive this year. He doesn't complain when I listen to Christmas music, but he doesn't like to be in the same room when it plays. He has gone, without complaint, to the Christmas parties and doesn't say anything when I want to go to cookie exchange parties. He has let me do Christmas without saying anything about it. He just doesn't join in and is just kind of there, if that makes sense. So it kind of bums me out because I know he is just doing it because I want to do it, which is how Gracie is.

Which makes me feel like I am forcing Christmas on my family.

I wanted to do cookies this weekend....but honestly, I know Gracie will hate it and I don't even want to attempt it. I am truly terrified of Christmas morning because Gracie got spoiled by her family this year and I am worried she's going to get overwhelmed and it will just be a day of crying and fits.

I know this is all irrational...I really do. I have a 2.5 year old in peak stinker mode, I shouldn't expect the behavior of an older child who knows better. My husband doesn't like Christmas but yet he is doing all the things I ask him, I should be grateful that he is going along with it. I am grateful, I swear.

I just...I had ideas of what Christmas would be like this year and it's not turning out that way at all. 

I wish I had a happy way to end this, but I kind of don't.

So have some cookies.

2 comments:

  1. Zach likes Christmas but there are other areas he doesn't care about as much as I do. He's not mean he's just not involved and I get really emotional about feeling like I'm alone in whatever it is. So I can relate. Also the paying for the pictures with Santa thing. This was our first Santa experience and while I expected to pay, I didn't realize I wouldn't be allowed to take ANY of my own pictures. So we walked away and I cried. It's the digital age. I'm putting her baby book together online and needed a digital Santa picture... Cue tears. We're going to try to snap a Santa pic at the ward Christmas party tonight. I send hugs. And if we were neighbors, I'd make cookies with you. :)

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  2. This year with finals, our house still in disarray and my random bouts of being sick, I just gave up on trying too hard for Christmas. We have a little bead tree, a poinsettia and a nativity and that's all. I pulled out the Christmas movies last night but Joe informed me that anything but Elf is boring. I told him Bahhumbug! I will probably do a bit of baking this weekend for neighbor stuff, but that's about it. I decided not to stress myself. I'll make sure next year is magical for baby's first Christmas that he most likely won't remember or care about at six months old ;)

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