Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Positively Grateful

Yesterday was my 3 year wedding anniversary and it didn't necessarily go the way I thought it would!

Our very first anniversary we didn't even WANT to do anything. We went out for a quick bite to eat at Olive Garden but we both wanted to get home because it was Gracie's first Christmas and we didn't want to miss anything.

Our second anniversary was kind of amazing. My mother-in-law took Gracie for the entire day and Daniel and I went shopping, went to the SLC temple, went to a movie, went to The Cheesecake Factory and then stayed the night in a nice hotel.

This year, we didn't do anything until totally last minute when some friends offered to watch Gracie so we could go out. We just knew that without family around, asking someone to watch your child for a date night on Christmas Eve Eve (or Christmas Adam as I am now calling it) probably wouldn't work out well. So we decided to stay in and just relax. Plus when your 7 months pregnant, your husband has to work in the morning, and your child was at one point possessed during the day, you tend to want to stay home. I am very glad we didn't because it was SO nice to just go out and be Tanika and Daniel--and not parents--for a little while. When we went to pick up Gracie from their house they even had tiny bottles of Martinelli's for us. After Grace went to sleep we toasted our anniversary and it really was quite perfect and lovely.

Our friends acts of generosity and kindness got me to thinking about the day I had and how all I needed was a shift in perspective.

The Bad: I had a baby appointment that Daniel couldn't be at because he had to work. That bummed me out because I knew we were seeing the baby and I always kind of want him at the appointments because he wasn't there for a lot of Gracie's. I had to find a babysitter for Gracie because NO WAY was home girl gonna sit still for an hour long ultrasound. I AM SO GLAD I DID. My appointments were back to back and they were BOTH running an hour behind and THEN I had to go get blood work done. Plus, the floor below us had a fire or something and we went through the whole fire in the building junk. It was a nightmare and I was in those offices for HOURS. I got LOST on the way home because Daniel usually drives us to and from appointments so I never ever pay attention. Then my GPS took me into a very scary area of downtown Augusta and I got freaked out. I ended up picking Gracie up almost THREE hours after I had planned to pick her up. That's how late those appointments ran and how lost I got trying to get home. 

The Gratitude Perspective: How lucky am I that Daniel has been able to come to most of my appointments? Most husbands can't and I am extremely lucky that he's been able to. He won't be able to come to anymore because of work and I am grateful for the ones he WAS able to come to. 

My appointments were late but I knew that Grace was in good hands and the lovely lady watching her totally understood about it all. I am so grateful for this woman's kindness and generosity in watching my kid for almost 5 hours when it was only supposed to be two. Grace was also on her best behavior for this lady and I am superbly grateful for that because...

The Bad: It was CLEARLY past this little girls naptime. I had to keep her awake on the way home so she'd take a good nap. Now, I know parents say their child became possessed and they're usually joking...I am not joking when I say my child became possessed. I have NEVER seen her act this way. She was THROWING herself against walls. Jumping high into the air on to her butt, thrashing around and screaming in a voice that was not a voice I have ever heard her use. I finally got her to calm down and go to sleep. Then she woke up in an even CRAPPIER mood and did the exact same things she did before she went down for a nap. Only this time she dislocated her shoulder throwing herself against a wall. Don't get me wrong, we tried to keep her safe and tried to get her to calm down, but holy crap...I can't even tell you. When we got home from date night, she started to throw another one of these fits and luckily we got it to where she just wouldn't quit crying. I am still shaking my head about it today. I don't even know where it came from, what triggered it, but I hope to God I never have to deal with that level of a fit again. It gave me an anxiety attack--not joking.

The Gratitude Perspective: Gracie did not act this way with any of the people she had spent a significant amount of time with that day. I am SUPREMELY grateful for that. I can't even imagine if she had thrown a fit like that at someone's house. 

I am also grateful that I was able to calm Gracie down in the midst of her fits. It took awhile, but she was able to be calmed down. I could feel the spirit helping me remain calm with her and talk it out with her, and I know that was my Heavenly Father helping me through this trial. I am so glad I followed the spirit and just remained calm with her. 

Daniel was home when all of these fits happened. I can't physically handle Gracie anymore when she is throwing fits, the belly gets in the way and it's honestly just not the safest situation. Daniel was able to reinforce what I was doing, deal with the physicality of it, and I was able to reinforce his decisions too. We got through those fits together and it definitely was an experience as parents where I think we earned a gold star. 

The Kind-Of-Not-Really-Bad: At the appointment several things were brought up to "keep an eye on". I don't like those words because I swear, every single time, the things we have to keep an eye on become a full blown problem not too much later. 

My cervix is thinning. It's at 2.8 something when right now it should be at 3-3.5. The doctor thinks that baby boy's position isn't helping that situation boy's butt is directly upon my cervix. He is quite obviously breech and he is facing my back, which is what is most likely the cause or at least part of the reason I have been having contractions and why I am in so much pain all of the time. He is literally kicking my back. 

My blood pressure is low which is causing circulation problems for my face (oddly enough) and my feet. I get swollen at times or I get severe needle pains. It's a freaking joy and there isn't anything that they can do about it but watch it. 

All of these things can lead to severe problems and can lead to pre-mature labor, something we have already had a scare with. I am getting really scared that little dude isn't going to make it to full term.

The Gratitude Perspective: These are all problems that aren't problems right now. They are just things we need to keep an eye on. HOW LUCKY AM I that I get to be seen by a doctor who is constantly monitoring every aspect of my pregnancy and my baby to give us the best shot possible?

While my cervix is thinning, I am still in the low-range of "normal". Yes, baby boy is breech, and has been for 99% of the pregnancy, but he has 12 weeks to turn. It's entirely possible that he will. 

The kicks hurt so bad because he is SUCH an active little dude, even the doctor commented on how active he is. I am so grateful that I am able to feel him move in there and that he is so active and only when I am really paranoid do I ever worry about him being okay in there because he always lets me know he is ok. I would take all the back pain in the world to be able to keep feeling him be a rollie pollie. 

My blood pressure is really low, but it can still go up, and at least it isn't high. Even with the swelling, I am not currently at risk for pre-eclampsia.

While it has seemed like one thing right after the other with this pregnancy, HE has been fine the entire time. There has never ever been a problem with him. He is a healthy and perfect little boy. That is something to be extremely grateful for. 

Each crappy thing that happened, though crappy, really was an opportunity to be grateful. I wish I could have been grateful in the moment instead of in retrospect and I am really going to try to be more grateful. How great our lives and our spirits would be if we could just learn to be grateful first.

I hope that as Christmas comes and goes, New Years comes and goes, that we won't lose the spirit of the season. I hope that we all strive to be grateful first because there is so much in our lives to be grateful FOR.

Merry Christmas everyone,


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