Monday, January 12, 2015

Motherhood, Yo.

Ahhh motherhood. A topic that has more people thinking they are right than any other topic in the history of the world.

I just have this to say about it really: Why is it ANYONE'S business what I do with my kid? If I am not harming them, and they are perfectly healthy and happy...does it matter if they are cloth diapered or not? Does it matter if they were breastfed or bottle fed? I am like...900% sure that when judgment day comes God isn't gonna care if I fed Gracie all organic or not. He's gonna care if I loved my little girl and I treated her right.

Breastfed or bottle fed? Can you tell in this picture? 
So why is the first question out of any mothers mouth one of those questions? You know the ones, the ones that backhandedly say "If you aren't doing it this way, you're doing it the wrong way and obviously aren't fit to be a parent."

I have been asked more times than I care to admit about whether or not I am going to circumcise our son. (Granted, I made a post asking opinions, but outside of that post it's not exactly party talk.) I have been told I'd be a monster to do it and abusing my son. I have been told that I am unfeeling hippie freak if I don't. This is apparently a battle that can't be won.

I feel like that's how everything is with motherhood now-a-days: a battle that can't be won. If you breastfeed you are snooty and shoving it in the face of those who don't, if you formula feed you are selfish and don't care for your child. If you cloth diaper you are a hippie freak who wants to feel better about themselves, if you use disposable, you don't care about your kids butt and you're ruining the environment. See? Ya can't win.

But when did motherhood become a battle of winning and losing? Why does it matter so much? Why can't we just support each other. Why must we call people out for doing things differently than we do them?

You like to breastfeed? GREAT! Do that! You want to use disposable diapers? GREAT! Do that!

Motherhood is hard enough without someone telling you that you're doing it wrong.

I know that every decision I have made for Gracie has had a lot of thought and research put into it. Daniel and I make decisions for her based on what WE think is best for her and for our family. That's our job as her parents. The same is happening for little dude, we have to make a series of serious decisions for him in a matter of time, and they're hard decisions but they're decisions we've prayed about and put a lot of thought into. I feel confident in saying that's how most parents operate.

Each mom has put thought into why she is doing certain things with and for her kids. Who are we to judge them for those decisions? Who are we to say "Hey, I don't know the details of your life or your family, or how much thought and prayer you put into this decision, but I know infinitely better than you and this is how you should be doing this."?


Does she eat all organic or not? Can you tell? 
I think we all need to keep in mind one thing: "How would we feel if someone called our decisions into question like that?" We'd be white-hot with anger, so how can we possibly expect any different reaction from someone else?

We honestly just need to support mothers and every aspect of that. Their babies are not YOUR babies. You don't like that they aren't breastfeeding? Then breastfeed YOUR child. Ya know? I think we do it because we seek approval or a sense of "You're doing it right" and telling others they are doing it wrong makes us feel like we're doing it right. But that is so very very wrong.

Instead of trying to make decisions for everyone else's family, be confident in your decisions without needing to make others feel bad for theirs. Focus on your family and be grateful for your circumstances, and for the ability to make decisions you are comfortable with.

Anything else really isn't any of your business.

Here is what you need to know about her: she is LOVED. 

6 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you did this post. It's really well written and it's exactly right on. I never understood why people told others they are doing things wrong. I'm the parent, I'm the mom and moms know best what is right for their child. Gracie is a doll. And Youre doing the motherhood thing right because you're doing things how you feel best. No one else knows your kids like you do. And in these cases, that's what matters.

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  2. Thank you so much for writing this post. I needed it. As a brand new mom I am still trying to figure this whole motherhood thing out(as I imagine I will be trying to do for forever), but having someone question your every decision makes it so much harder. Sometimes it's hard to remember that they are your children and you really do know what is best for them.

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  3. I wrote a post on the mommy wars recently. I think they stem from a place of insecurity. We feel like with every choice there's a possible sacrifice and benefit...if someone else does it differently then our benefits and sacrifices are different and we get defensive. As much as I hate the mommy wars, I'm guilty of feeling like another mom is doing it wrong when she does it differently,mostly because it makes me question my own choices.

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  4. I totally agree and I'm not even a mom yet. But I feel the same way when people tell me how to train and raise my puppy ;) You know, because they're just like kids. But honestly, even some of the things I've been considering. I'll get some really good input from some people that says, this is why we did it this way and why you might want to consider it, and that I tend to appreciate. I have a friend who gives very unbiased information about childbirth, she's done natural and medicated, and then there are the people that are like you said, "This is what you need to do and why" and they're usually things that I've already got an opinion on. And yeah, things might not work out how I planned, but I'll cross that road when I get there. For now, I'm going to do what I feel is best based on information I read and my own logical reasoning.

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  5. Amen! To each their own. Seriously. The mommy wars have gotten beyond out of hand these days. Everyone has an opinion and wants to be heard, but sometimes it just plain goes too far.

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  6. I do think that a lot of times moms may be insecure in or feel guilty about their choices and that's where a lot of the mommy wars come from. I tend to fall on the "hippie freak" spectrum with most things, and there's no denying the scientific facts that certain things are better for all of us than others. However, we used disposables and my son is circumsized...you gotta do what's best for your family, even if someone else may not agree.

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Thanks for taking the time to say something back! :) One sided conversations are never any fun! :) Thanks for reading!