Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Finishing The Hat

When I got pregnant with Gracie it got scary for a bit and I was put on a partial bed rest because of the placenta issues with her. I had one year of school left, one and a half if I took it slow. A year until I had a double degree in Theatre Education and Music with a minor in Dance. I was this close.

I stopped going after the fall semester and I regret not finishing the year out. Granted, I had no idea how my pregnancy was going to progress, so in that aspect I am glad I took it easy to be cautious. However, knowing what I do now, I wish I had stuck it out. I'd be that much closer.

With Daniel being in the military, it hasn't been realistic to finish my degrees. We just moved too much. Now we are in the same place for awhile and I can't help but thinking about finishing my degree. It is always lingering in the back of my mind. It's just not in the cards right now.

I want a family more than I want a degree. I want to stay home and enjoy my littles ones and not put them in daycare (not to mention I don't want to spend the money on it.) I don't want to miss a thing while they are little. Because if I learned anything with Gracie so far, it's that time goes by way too fast.

I can always go back and finish my degree, I can never go back and watch my son take his first steps, or be home on Gracie's first day of school as she runs in to tell me about her day and the friends she made that day.

If Daniel and I stop having children with just our two babies, then the earliest I can go back to school is in 5 years when Danny starts kindergarten. Why so long? Because the classes I have left are all performance based so I can't just take them online. I'd have to be on campus, I'd have to be an active member of the program. That's a lot of time and effort away from my family. I am not ready to even think about that sacrifice.

But I do think about it a lot. It kills me that I spent so much time and effort on a degree that may never get completed.

A year ago when I was writing out our Christmas letter, I couldn't think of anything to write for myself. Yes I was a mom and I am darn proud of the hard work I do each and every day...but that takes up about a sentence. Daniel was being promoted and doing amazing things in the Air Force, he still is. I want more than a sentence, if that makes sense. I want some kind of accomplishment outside of my amazing family.

Don't get me wrong, I know that being a mom is by far the most important thing I will ever do. But it would be nice to do something that is 100% just for me and my own personal growth.

I've been thinking a lot about enrolling in cosmetology school. I really think I would be darn good at it, and I already have a knack for doing hair and makeup. I'd love to see what I can become under the proper education. Daniel totally supports me in doing it AND it would be a great job to have as a military wife. Finding a job as a hairstylist would be a lot easier than a job as a teacher. Plus it would just be a lot of fun having that creative outlet.

Right now, my family is more important. My littles need me at home with them, my husband needs me at home with them and I want to be home with them.

But one day...I want to finish my degree's. I want to walk across a college stage and get that diploma. I want my hard work recognized and framed in our house. I want an extra sentence in the Christmas newsletter.

I want to finish the hat.

xo,
Tanika

3 comments:

  1. I have a degree... and essentially it is $30k of wasted money. I'm not doing anything with it right now, and may not for a very long time. But I am so proud of myself for seeing it all the way through. You will get there girl. And when you do, you will not regret it because you didn't take time away from those sweet babies...

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  2. I'm not using my degree either... Family has always been more important than my career. And while I want something to fulfill my creative cravings, I know it has to revolve around my kids and family. You'll do it!

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  3. Having seen your passion for theatre and reading your (always SPOT ON) opinions on theatre before, I hope you don't give that up. You have the power to make a difference in some theatre kids' lives someday. That's not to say you're not awesome at doing hair and makeup too. Hell, do it both. You're fantastic.

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Thanks for taking the time to say something back! :) One sided conversations are never any fun! :) Thanks for reading!