Thursday, February 15, 2018


This has taken me a bit to write.

(In part because I can't find the  pictures I had saved to document this long process. I'll add them in when I find them.)

When Danny was around 9 months old, I got a pretty strong prompting that we needed to start trying for our last baby. It took a bit to convince my husband of that, because we had agreed that when Danny was 1 year old that is when we would start trying, but he eventually got on board. Especially because it had taken about 7 months to get pregnant with Danny and if we didn't get pregnant right away, that was ok.

We didn't start out charting, and temping and all of the other fun things that come with actively trying to have a baby. We just stopped trying to *not* get pregnant. After the first few months of that not working, I started paying very close attention to my ovulation times and making sure I was ovulating when I needed to be.

But still nothing, then Daniel's deployment came into our lives that January. At this point we had only been trying for about 4 months. We debated stopping, because getting pregnant right then meant he may miss the birth because he wasn't going to deploy until May and would be gone 6 months. We put our plans on hold...for like two weeks. HA. Eventually we just knew that we needed to keep trying, regardless of what that meant. Which sounds CRAZY now, especially with how insane this pregnancy has been.

Well, May came around and still no baby. It was sad but we chalked it up to the stress of the deployment. I kept taking prenatals and charting my ovulation and temperature so that we would be 100% ready when he came home. Everyone joked I would get pregnant as soon as he got home and I had hoped and prayed they were right.

They weren't.

And what made it SUCK is that EVERYONE kept asking if I was because they knew we were trying and all the jokes about a wife getting pregnant right after a deployment...

Guys, if you know someone is trying to get pregnant, and they aren't announcing anything, don't ask. Don't ask, period.

Then, my sister in law got pregnant, like....really really quickly. I cried for a legit month over that. Not too long after she told us she was pregnant, I had our first miscarriage.

It was painful. It was really...well, bloody. I ended up in the hospital because a miscarriage and a bleeding disorder aren't exactly a match made in heaven.

After that miscarriage, my OB put me on Clomid to try and help things along. All that did was make me gain weight. We tried for three more months and then we were referred to a fertility specialist.

Right before my first appointment with the fertility doctor, I had some really scary stuff happen with my vision. Turns out that's a side effect of clomid. The doc immediately took me off clomid and put me on Femara. Which made me gain even more weight but at least my eyes stayed the same. Plus some more fertility medication on top of that.

Two procedures to clear my fallopian tubes later...I got pregnant. It was faint but it was there. And then my numbers didn't rise. Another miscarriage.

At this point...I was done. Completely done. My body was so tired from everything and it's not exactly fun actually TRYING for a baby when that trying is literally scheduled to specific days and times and there is no cuddling after, only legs in the air for 30 minutes. Gee, doesn't that sound like FUN? One of the cycles fell during our time at Disney World. Can I just tell you how AWKWARD it is to ask your mother in law to take the kids to the pool because it's your peak ovulation time?


So after the miscarriage, the next round came and I haphazardly took the medication on the wrong days the doctor told me to (not on purpose, he had just switched me to a different routine and I spaced it), we didn't really pay attention to peak days and were just really lazy about it. Because I had told Daniel if I wasn't pregnant by the end of July that I wanted to take a break for awhile. It was the end of July and I was over it. I think, in part, he was too. It had just been exhausting, really.

Because of those things, pregnancy wasn't even close to on my mind. I was pretty sure I wasn't pregnant, how could I be? I did everything wrong this cycle, perhaps even on purpose.

But then...

I started having really graphic nightmares. Which is one of my unique pregnancy symptoms.
I couldn't wash the dishes because the smell of old food was too overwhelming.

Daniel was sure I was, from the first day I asked him to do the dishes because the smell was making me sick.

I still didn't think I was. Too many times I had fallen for the "I'm nauseous, I must be pregnant!" trap.

I also knew that I had been put on a different medication and thought it could be a hormonal reaction to that. So I called the fertility doctor, concerned about having a bad reaction to the drug and she asked if I had taken a pregnancy test.

I almost laughed at her. I told her I had done everything wrong so I would be really shocked if I was and I really didn't think I was.

But, she said that I needed to test first and if it came back negative to call back and they would have me come in to see if I was having a reaction.

I rolled my eyes. I was going to the grocery store that day anyway so I'd just pick one up there. Even in the aisle I rolled my eyes and thought "Welp, there goes another $20 on pregnancy tests." 

I got home put the groceries away and stared at the pregnancy tests.

"May as well get this disappointment over with already." 

"Can't wait to say 'I told you so.'" 

On August 9th, 2017


I promptly went back to the store & bought the clear blue digital tests. I knew that your HCG levels had to be fairly high to get a positive with those. So there is less chance of a false positive. (Despite the two First Response being positive.)

Pregnant again. 

I was pregnant. The clear blue made me feel like I was at least more pregnant than I had been the month prior. I called Daniel, crying. 

He was relieved and happy. So much so he left some expletives fly (and threw in an "I told you so" while he was at it.)

But we had been down the getting pregnant road and had that fail. Now came time to stay pregnant...

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